hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
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never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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