It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
