I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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