If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
