finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
