I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Such a big mess for such a small penis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
