I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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