Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
