Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
honey bunches of taint.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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