I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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