i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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