who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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