Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
