Can i not drive my cunt home
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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