She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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