Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
