sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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