Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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