I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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