he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
