We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
