I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
