mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
