let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
