Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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