Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
