oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
