if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
