I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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