We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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