Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i drank out of a bidet.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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