So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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