My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
