I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
