ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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