I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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