Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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