U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
