Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
