great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize