Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
