U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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