Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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