so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
