i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize