We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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