She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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