I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
