Plan B is the new Plan A
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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