I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize