Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
