If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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