I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
