Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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