i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
