your thong is hanging out like whoa
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
