You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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