Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
