Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
