I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
