wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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