I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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