Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
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As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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