Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
