I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My feet surprised me
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