walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
